Yesterday I did not cry. And I felt guilty. As if I wasn't missing Levi enough.
Today I am clouded by an overwhelming sense of sadness. I can't seem to get him off my mind. All I want to do is cry.
Why is grief like this? One day you're doing ok and you think you just might make it, and the next it all comes crashing down on you and you no longer know if you can pull through.
I want a baby. I want my Levi. Life seems to have taken a cruel turn. I had all these plans laid out. 3-4 kids, all 2-3 years apart. Now it won't happen. I've lost my second child and my arms feel empty. I should be home, loving on a new baby, and gloriously happy. Instead, I'm home, longing for a new baby, and trying desperately to at least pretend to be happy for the sake of my family.
Today I'm struggling. Today I feel as if I'm drowning in my grief. Today I find no comfort in the knowledge that others are praying for me. Today is hard.
3 comments:
Josh and Amy,
My heart aches for y'all. Please know that our family is praying for you in this season of grief. Praise God that we have a God who is available and desires us to come and fall into His arms as we struggle. I pray that you will daily feel the embrace of our Saviour!
Much love,
Justin and Angela
it's okay, amy. God waits patiently and weeps with you. i am praying that in between the hard days will be a few better days. i know that the hard days will some day be further apart, but for now they may come one on top of the other. i can only encourage you that further down this difficult road, you WILL once again find peace. but it takes time. i'm thinking of you and josh love, jan
Amy,
I believe that when tears won't come, it is because the pain is too deep inside. It is much too soon to expect much out of yourself, except to just be who you are, moment by moment. It takes too much energy to pretend to be happy for others when you are shattered inside. Those who love you will understand. I am so sorry that your plans for Levi changed so drastically. I am praying for you daily to make it through. My heart hurts for you.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
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