Anger

Today I am angry. I am finding myself taking it out on Aidan and Josh. I have no patience with Aidan. I caught myself raising my voice to him for something he cannot help. He has diaper rash and I became frustrated with him when he would not hold still for me to wipe him clean. He won't hold still because it hurts, and I got mad. He keeps asking for juice, milk, snack, toys, tv and I do not have the patience to deal with his never ending requests today. He's only 2. I am the adult in the situation, but I want him to leave me alone. Being a mother is difficult today.

Aidan did not nap today. He kept getting out of bed. For 2 hours he would get up and I would put him back. I called Josh to complain and became angry with Josh for not fixing the situation. I wanted him to come home and take care of it, so that I could go crawl in bed and ignore it. But he's at work making money to pay our bills. Our never ending pile of bills. Medical bills, hospital bills, funeral bills. I'm angry that these places still require payment even though I didn't get to bring home a baby.

I'm angry that I'm having to hobble around on a gimpy foot today. I can't do everything that I feel needs to be done because of my stupid foot. Cleaning is my response to anger, but guess what. I can't clean because of my stupid foot. Why is life kicking me while I'm down?

But most of all, I'm angry that my baby was taken from me.