My dearest son, it has now been 5 months since you have passed from my arms into the arms of God. The days seem to drag by, but at the same time I can't believe it's already been 5 months. By now you would be smiling and laughing at and with your brother, daddy, and me. Your little personality would be shining through. How I wish for those days. I know you are being cared for, and I am eternally grateful, but I so long to be the one taking care of you. To be able to hold you in my arms would be a dream come true.
You should be proud of your mama. I'm being strong for you. I know you wouldn't want me to collapse into nothingness, so I keep moving on. I keep being your mother even though I'll never get to be your mommy. I'll never wipe your tears or kiss your boo-boos, but you'll never have them in heaven. I look forward to the day I get to join you there, but for now I sit and wait.
I have finally built enough courage to get a headstone for your resting place. I asked your Papa, my Daddy, to go with me. Dads are great things. You would have loved yours. He loves you so much.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and what our family should be. Monday, I took your brother to the Dallas Arboretum with my dear friend, Susan. I have to say thank you, Levi, for it is because of you that I have this wonderful friendship. We walked past yellow roses, and I instantly had to stop. Susan took a beautiful photo of the "3" of us.
Yes, your brother has a Spiderman mask painted on his face. He loves Spiderman because of your Daddy. I'm sure he would have influenced you to love Spiderman also. Last week, I put your picture on a shelf next to a picture of Aidan at 2 weeks old. I've always thought the two of you looked alike, but I was struck by how much you truly look alike with a side by side comparison. No one would have ever questioned the fact that you are brothers.
Aidan(left) on 1-31-2007 & Levi(right) on 4-30-2009
These are not the pictures on my shelf, but they still show how similar in appearance the two of you are. You have the same dark brown hair, the same chin, the same chubby cheeks, and the same lips. Your noses are what set you apart.
I miss you today, yesterday, tomorrow, and always.
Love,
Mommy
5 comments:
thanks for this! I am in need of doing this myself! hopefully sometime today!
You have two very beautiful sons, Amy.
Amy,
Thank you for stopping by the blog today. Your story stuck me and I had to come by your blog and "meet" you and your little Levi.
First of all, I am so, so sorry. We are living every mother's nightmare and it just isn't a place any mother wants to be. You will forever be the mother of a child no one sees and that hurts a mother's heart so much. So many times I have wanted to scream from the rooftops that Emily exists...just not here.
Levi and Aidan do look so much alike. So beautiful.
{{HUGS}}
~Amy @ Raising Arrows
Amy, both of your boys are just so precious. I wish that you would get to hold your little Levi, too, but I am so glad you have the comfort of knowing he is being held in heaven for you. I think of our daughter Eliana as our own little treasure waiting for us there. We are coming up on 5 months soon too, it seems so strange to think that much time has passed.
Thanks for sharing your sons in this post, they look so sweet next to each other, and very much alike!
Hugs,
Jess
Amy, this is such a beautiful letter to Levi. I so wish you could be holding him in your arms instead of writing the letter. I absoloutly love the picture of you, Aidan, and Levi's yellow rose. That is definitely one to frame. Aidan and Levi's baby picture do look very similar!
HUGS!
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