Levi's Story Part 1

*I have felt compelled to write out the occurrences of Levi's birth for awhile now. Not everyone knows exactly what happened at the hospital as I have not been able to retell the story repeatedly. This will be in pieces as I will only write what I am able at the time being, and I honestly don't remember all the details as I was in quite a bit of shock.*

At about 34 weeks gestation, I was diagnosed with a condition called polyhydramnios, or too much amniotic fluid. This is not uncommon in diabetics and is due to too much glucose. Levi was also already measuring between 8 and 9 pounds according to ultrasounds. I was sent to a specialist and was told that stillborn is an increased risk due to polyhydramnios, but because of the monitoring they were going to do on me, I didn't need to worry about it. I began going to either my OB or the specialist twice a week, I had an ultrasound once a week, and I was hooked up to heart monitors at every visit. At 36 weeks gestation, because of Levi's size, my OB called for an amniocentesis to determine if Levi's lungs were mature enough for delivery. On April 28, 2009, I had the amnio performed. On April 29, 2009, I received a call from my OB telling me that everything about Levi was perfectly normal and mature and that delivery was recommended. They then scheduled my c-section for the next morning.

It was a crazy day. No one expected me to deliver that early, so we began a lot of plans as far as who was going to keep Aidan, was my sister going to go ahead and drive down that night or wait until Friday when Jon could come too, my mom had to arrange to get off work during TAKS week, Josh had to get off work for a few days. That night as I lay in bed, I thought of all the ways my life was about to change. I was so excited. I laid my hand on my belly and told my little guy I couldn't wait to meet him in the morning. At that point, he kicked my hand in response. I remember that kick so vividly. At the time, I took it as a reply that he couldn't wait to meet me either. Now I think he was saying goodbye.

On April 30, 2009, Josh and I woke up early and packed the car. I dressed Aidan in his "I'm a big brother" shirt, and we drove to my parents' house. My grandparents had already arrived because they were going to keep all of the boys so that my mom, dad, and sister could all come to the hospital with us. They were going to bring Aidan to the hospital later that day.

Josh and I arrived at the hospital and were early enough that we got a parking spot right in front of the doors. We had a small argument over whether or not to bring the video camera inside. We left it in the car with the intention of getting it after Levi was born, but we brought our camera with us. We rode the elevators up to Labor and Delivery and checked in. On the way to my room, I chatted with a nurse about Levi. What was I having? Had I picked out a name? Were we excited and ready?

I went to the bathroom first and then changed into my gown. There was a news report about the swine flu playing on the TV. The nurses came in and started prepping me for surgery. They put my arm band on and starting asking questions. Was I keeping the cord blood? Did I want a circumcision? Did I have a pediatrician? I had to sign paperwork as well. Then came the contraction and heart monitors.

The nurse was unable to find Levi's heartbeat. I just kept thinking she was looking in the wrong spot. I tried to tell her where his heartbeat had been found previously. Eventually, she called in another nurse who found a heartbeat, but had to hold the monitor up in a weird position to keep it. The first nurse started pushing down and asking if Levi was breech. I said no. The second nurse checked as well and also said no. They laid me flat on my back (I had been propped up in a sitting position prior to this) and began searching again. Then they asked if I had felt him move that morning. I said yes. I mean, I thought I had. Although, I honestly didn't know. I hadn't been paying much attention among all the excitement. I had felt him the night before though. I still wasn't thinking much about it at this point because they had found a faint heartbeat.

The anethesisologist came in at some point during all this and began talking to me about the epidural. The nurse asked him to leave since they hadn't found a strong heartbeat yet. Then they called in my OB with the ultrasound machine. I watched his hand shaking while he looked for the heartbeat, and my immediate thought was, "I don't want him performing surgery on me if his hands aren't steady." I was still so naive. I had no idea. It never crossed my mind that my baby could die. My OB then said that he was right over the rib cage where the heartbeat should be, but he couldn't see one, but not to take his word for it because he didn't exactly know what he was doing. He started asking for the specialist to come, but he was in surgery, so they got another doctor instead. The nurses told Josh to come hold my hand. He looked about as confused as I felt. The other doctor came in, took one look at the ultrasound, and said, "No heartbeat. I'm sorry." Then he turned around and walked out of the room. I turned my head to Josh and started crying as his words sunk in for the first time.

The heartbeat they had found earlier had been my own.