All of this struck a cord with me because I truly do struggle with worry, especially lately. Am I ever going to get over my grief of losing Levi? When is it going to stop hurting? How can this possibly be used for good? How are we going to make it through financially? Can I afford to buy groceries this month? Are we ever going to see the end of our debt? When should I get pregnant again? Should I get pregnant again? If I get pregnant again, am I going to lose that child, too? And on and on and on...until I ask, "Isn't Levi enough?"
But Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what will you wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavnely Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34
So, I gave it up. Or at least, I tried and I made a conscience decision to spend time with God and try to trust Him more. And today, I received a small bit of provision to one of my requests. Today, my prayer was answered. Josh and I have been blessed abundantly, and can't even begin to say thank you. Of course, this person won't accept my thanks and tells me it's from God, but I still want to say thank you.
I won't pretend to know why God answers some prayers and not others - others such as, protect my child and bring him to my arms safely. I'll never understand that one. But I do know that in the midst of our tragedy, He is providing answers. I just have to "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness" and then He will provide because He is bigger than all my anxieties.
4 comments:
oh my. It's like we think the same way! Worry has always been my biggest problem. I was horrible as a child and as I got older, Maybe like 3 years ago or so, I decided I didnt' want to do that anymore and it is a constant fight to not let worry overtake me. anyways.
I have been doing fine with it until today. I was at the mall and ran into a girl who had a baby girl the same day Lilliana left us and as soon as I saw her ,a bunch of anxiety came over me and I had to bolt as quick as possible. I didn't want to see her little girl for anything out of the fear that I might just break down. So relieved when I didn't see her. It was as if I completely forgot all that God promised me. FOR MY GOOD! Let me know when you get all your answers! There's gotta be a book of answers out there somewhere right? ;)
Great post! I think all of us can struggle with worry, especially when we have been through the most difficult of circumstances, and financial trouble as well. I am right with you on both counts. Right now things seem so big and overwhelming that I can't help but turn it over to God, it is just too much for me to handle! Thank goodness we can breath easier knowing that He is in the driver's seat.
Thanks for this post. I can totally relate. I myself just posted something similar and am experiencing this weird inability to shed my worries - it's really weighing me down. Hoping time and maybe a nice long vacation will make it better....
Worry is a battle I fight too. 2008 started with Levi's death and then continued to be dismal- though comparitively nothing else came close to losing him. It was so hard not waiting for something else to happen because something else kept happening. I'm glad you've seen some answers though. It's hard when you feel buried by the weight of everything and seeing the direct answer to prayer can always give me the strength to keep going.
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