It's 2 am and I can't sleep. I've been lying in bed wide awake for hours just thinking. I'm not even sure what about. Just things. Things I need to do. Things I need Josh to do. Things I wish would happen easily but won't. Things my doctor has said. Just things.
My sonogram didn't happen today. Too much miscommunication. I go back tomorrow to have the specialist perform it. I also go back tomorrow to schedule an amnio for Wednesday. That makes me nervous. I wish I knew what's going to happen. Most mothers don't get to choose a nice easy delivery date though.
Josh and I made the decision to move to Carrollton in his parents' house for at least a year. A lot needs to be done to get ready for that. I'm afraid our house won't sell. We'll then be stuck with bills at 2 houses.
It struck me that I'm about to be a mom of two. I don't know if I'm ready. It makes me sad in a way that I'm about to turn Aidan's world upside down. I know he'll be fine, but life is going to be different for all of us.
Everything is suddenly a whirlwind and I feel like I don't have time to grasp what's going on before it changes again. So my mind is in turmoil and I can't sleep. I wish there were easy answers.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."Isaiah 55:8-9
2 comments:
Believe me, I know those sleepless nights when the mind is racing in a hundred different directions. It helps me to focus on a verse and just repeat it over and over again. It takes my mind off of all the things I'm thinking about and puts my focus on God's word. Then I seem to drift off with out realizing it. Hope it works for you, you need as much sleep as you can get before Levi arrives.
I'm so sorry that both of our Levis aren't here with us. I read your posts backwards to this point and am so touched by them. I too was nervous yet excited about the changes a baby would bring to our lives- I had no idea my whole world was about to crumble. It's so hard to believe these words in Isaiah at a time like this... I don't understand why God's ways have brought this pain and suffering into our lives but I try to continue to trust Him because I know deep down that His ways are higher than my own. Some days are easier than others to remember this. I'm so sorry you found me this way though- I wish no one understood the pain of losing a child. Levi is so beautiful.
Peace, love & hugs to you
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