Monday, June 8, 2009
What's the Point?
Today I wanted desperately to do nothing more than sleep the day away. As I wished this was possible I began to wonder what is the point of life? If I had been given the opportunity to do nothing more than sleep today, what would have been the point of today? As it was, Aidan and I didn't do much exciting anyway. We watched some tv, read some books, blew bubbles in the backyard, and played with cars. Nothing spectacular or earth shattering. My days seem so mundane nowadays. Even if I were to re-enter the work force, I would simply be whittling my days away just for a few extra dollars. Day after day just seems to be the same monotonous cycle leading me to question why am I even here? I know God wants us to spread His name, but couldn't He do a better job of that Himself rather than relying on us? I know I'm not making Him proud lately. I guess I'm just tired of living these pain filled days. No, I'm not suicidal, so don't go accusing me of that or spreading rumors to others. I just wish the hurt would leave and that life would appear to have a bit more meaning.
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4 comments:
The meaning hasn't changed. You still have a son and a husband don't you?
Aidan will remember the days you spend with him reading, blowing bubbles, playing, just being there, etc. It might seem like it's nothing major, but he will appreciate it as he gets older and you will cherish these times. We continue to pray for you and Josh. I can't begin to understand why Levi had to die or what you are going through, but we do care.
I was listening to this melody from Building 429, remebered your post, and prayed for God's peace for you:
Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on
Cuz I believe always always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
Always, Always
He will be with you always
I hope it encourages you!
-Rebecca
i understand how you are feeling. it's a terribly difficult path to be going down....praying for little glimpses of joy along the way :) jan
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