Six Weeks

Levi would have been six weeks old today. Six weeks has always seemed like an important amount of time to me. As a teacher, we started a new grading period and curriculum every six weeks. After you get your ears pierced, you have to wait six weeks to change your earrings. After having a baby, you have to wait six weeks before exercising or being intimate with your husband again. I remember Aidan started becoming more of a little person after six weeks. But this time, six weeks has hit and nothing changes. I'm still grieving my baby. I can't even put into words how much I miss him and how much my heart longs for him. It's not an ache that can be expressed by language. My soul cries out to be heard, but no human can understand my sorrow. Even those that have lost their own children can't understand my pain. Yes, we can relate and we can share stories, but grief is personal. It is never the same for any two people.

I think my anti-depressant has finally started working. With as much sadness as I feel today, I'm not losing control. I was able to comfort Aidan earlier today without feeling like he was taking from my own need to cry. The tears have come today, but they've been slow to come. I was able to have a conversation about Levi with Monica earlier without crying. I still miss him though. I desperately wish he was here with me to celebrate being six weeks old.