Grateful

As I've mentioned before, the holiday season is especially hard on me this year. Christmas has always been about spending time with family for me, and it's so hard to want to continue that celebration when a large portion of my family is missing from me.

Aidan is so excited to learn about baby Jesus and listens intently as I tell him the true meaning of Christmas while we play with his nativity set. I'll never get to do this with Levi, but I'll never have to because he is in heaven with Jesus right now learning the true meaning from Jesus himself.

Despite my sadness, I am finding reasons to be grateful this holiday season

"Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere." Psalm 84:10

Levi is there right now. He's not looking back and wishing he could be on earth. He is safe and happy. He will never know pain, anger, sadness, or heartache. For that I am grateful.

I am grateful for Aidan. Without him, Josh and I would probably say, "What's the point?" pack up our bags, leave town, and not celebrate Christmas this year. Aidan's excitement about Santa, Christmas, and Jesus this year keeps us going. It's because of Aidan that I put up the tree and decorated the house. It's because of Aidan we bought presents and are going to family's homes. It's because of Aidan that Josh and I are recognizing the holidays this year.

I am grateful for my friends. My friends recognize that this is a hard time of the year for me. They continue to invite me to parties and coffee and force me to be social when it's the last thing I feel like doing, yet I generally have a good time once I get out. They're gentle with me and allow me to be selfish and bitter when needed without judgement. It's through them that I see God's love for me.

So, I'm trying this holiday season. Trying to find things in life to be grateful for. Trying to not allow my sadness to completely take the joy of Christmas from me. Trying to continue to celebrate the real meaning of Christmas.