This past Wednesday, I had the privilege of seeing my new little one's sweet profile for the first time. It would appear that we are having our 3rd boy. I knew it was a bit earlier than doctors like to look, but since I have so many sonograms this time around, I thought perhaps I could find out early and asked the sonographer if she would be willing to take a peek. She did. At first, she said she was just guessing it was a boy, but then upon further inspection, she declared that she was pretty positive I'm having a boy and then proceeded to mark it in my chart.
It's taken me a few days to get to this point, but I am now excited to have another boy. I've had a girl on my mind this whole time because I figured it would be easier to separate Levi from a baby girl than a baby boy, and let's face it, I just really want a girl before I'm done having kids. I would love to dress a baby up in little dresses and hair bows. I even had a whole little girl nursery set up in my mind. Next time, perhaps. :)
However, another boy gives me the opportunity for another chance. With Levi's death, I have felt that Aidan lost his opportunity for a little brother to play with and that our son was stolen from us. Now Aidan does get his little brother and we get another chance to hold a sweet baby boy in our arms. Ultimately, I don't care about the gender of the baby this time around as long as that baby is alive and breathing in my arms at the end.
I'm also doing everything differently this time around. I've had to tell myself over and over that this is not the same baby as Levi and things will not end the same way. I don't talk much about this pregnancy. I'm delivering at a different hospital. I'm setting up the nursery in a different room in the house. I'm changing all the bedding and all the furniture except for the crib. Aidan and Levi had a Noah's Ark nursery. This one will not. I am not having a baby shower or registering for gifts this time around. I will not wash anything for this baby before he comes home in case I have to return it. Heck, I probably won't even buy anything for him. With all the baby boy clothes and baby paraphernalia in my attic, I don't really need to buy anything. Doing everything differently is my way of coping with this pregnancy and so far it seems to be working.
I go back in 3 weeks for another sonogram, and I plan to have the gender confirmed at that time just to make sure, but as of right now, it seems I'm made to raise little gentlemen. :)
4 comments:
OH wow! This post made my heart stop! you are so brave for finding out! You will do great and will do what you need to for this pregnancy to be special to you! think of you often and am on a search for a yellow rose bush for my yard! any tips?
It's great that you are accepting of this baby being a boy even though you wanted a girl. When I was pregnant with Nikola it was so soon after Connor passed that I thought I couldn't handle having another boy and would not be able to love him. Funny thing though is that 2 ultrasounds said I was having a girl and didn't even know I was having a boy til he was born. It helped though because I was having a hard time accepting being pregnant it made it easier to think I was having a girl. I still had to do some grief counceling to accept the new life and when Nik was first born I was releaved that I didn't want to jump out a window like I thought I would. I'm so very happy for you though and if you have to do things different to help you through it then do what you need to do for you. God bless. *hugs*
That's neat that you're having a little boy. It will be special for Aidan to have another little brother, and get to share those cute bunkbeds with!:) We found out pretty early that ours is another boy too, so I guess you and I are both blessed with lots of little gentlemen. I guess God knows this world needs more of them!
Amy,
What wonderful news....I know I am a little late :) but I have had a hard enough time posting on my own blog lately, let alone visiting others. I am so, so, sooooo happy for you, and I will be praying for you this pregnancy--for you, for this sweet boy (?), for your emotions and feelings. If there is anything else I could pray for, please let me know. I am sure this is scary for you--rightfully so--but try as best as you can to keep the faith that God will take care of you through all of this.
Much love to you!!
Devin
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