April

Today is the first of April. April Fool's Day to most. Not to me. April is not a month that brings laughter and smiles to my face. It should be. My sister's birthday is in April. My newest nephew will most likely be born in April. Easter is in April. All reasons to smile and celebrate during the month of April. But the clincher is that last day of April. The day I should be celebrating my 2nd son's 2nd birthday. April 30th. Instead that day is filled with grief and tears, as it is now known as the anniversary of the day my son died.

It's not a day I look forward to living through again. I've noticed my grief returning stronger lately as the date approaches. The memories of that day haunt me in my dreams again. The joy and excitement I had as I entered labor & delivery the morning of April 30, 2009 in hopes of meeting my son that day, only to have it all come crashing down with a few little words. "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat." I hate that memory. It's all permanently etched in my brain.

I'm not sure what I want to do in memory of him this year, but I know I want to do something. And I simply ask that everyone remember him with me on his birthday.